(NOTE: This is an email I sent out at the end of last year, and I thought it was blog-worthy)
I'm just sending you this email to try to explain why I am the way I am, why I've said (or not said) stuff, and maybe some insight into my intentions. If you don't read it or never respond to it, I guess I just don't care. It is what it is. I'm even going to put little section titles so it's a little easier to read.
Making a Business
I've spent a lot of time working for other people. It's been great, I've learned some cool stuff, and I've even had the chance to build some cool stuff on the side. It just feels like I could do so much more. It feels like there's an opportunity to create a new company that believes all the stuff that makes (part of) other companies I've worked for cool to work for. A company that does the cool things that I've always thought other companies should do for me or other employees. And I'd really like to build that company with my friends--not business associates, *friends*.
Maybe I haven't communicated this desire properly. Maybe I'm too wordy, and the goals just get lost when someone decides it's just too long to read. But to me, it seems like I'm the only one that has this desire, and if that's the case, so be it. I want to build the company that I want to work for, a company that gives me the financial freedom I've always wanted, that allows me to give back to all the people that have in some way helped me get to where I'm at.
I'm going forward with building this company. It might take some time, and I have some things to do before I can make it official, but I'm going to do it. I don't know what it's name is, and at this point I'm planning to be the only person involved. If you're interested, let me know, but... well, I'm not waiting for anybody but me: get on the elevator now, or crawl up the ladder later, or look up from down below, doesn't much matter at this point.
TTORP, Stinky Monkey ("SM"), and Other Ideas
I'm not giving up on TTORP yet. I like TTORP, the ideas it has created, and the plans we've made. I'm proud of the character sheet, with all it's bugs, and the campaign system. There's some tweaking that needs to be done to make it stable, but that's no different than any other good web application. And the idea of building an online mapping system that works with the character sheets and tracking battles is just really fun to think about.
I'm not necessarily giving up on SM either. I think it's a good idea, and it could be really fun to work on. I don't even care if it makes any money at all anymore, as long as it's cool. If it becomes a monster that requires a bunch of attention and stops making me happy, I'll step away. Since it's open source (or at least intended to be), it should be pretty easy for another developer to take over.
I'm going to push forward with CS-Project. It might get a different name, but maybe not. I like working on it, I like storing information about my own projects in it, and I'd really like to have it to the point where someday I'll be proud of how it looks (instead of just some of the concepts behind it). It is my intention that it will form the basis for many other opportunities, maybe even some that are actually profitable.
I've had this feeling for a while, this little itch that no amount of scratching will fix, the feeling that there's something more. Maybe working on one of these applications will finally fix it. Maybe getting my book finished/published will be the cream that sates it. Maybe starting my own company will fix it. I just don't know.
My point is that... well, I don't want to feel mediocre any more. I want to make a sustained, substantial and tangible impact on the world around me. Something that goes beyond my friends and family. I don't want to be on the cover of some magazine or be on TV... something where I can just be walking along somewhere one day, minding my own business, glance something that other people are all talking about, and say, "yep, that was me. I did that."
Let me know what you think, where your heads are at. If I've peaked your interest, or offended you, or got you thinking about something, let me know. Or don't. But don't chime in with something completely unrelated, I get side-tracked easily enough as it is. :)